Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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