Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
