Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
