Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
