I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
