his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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