oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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