i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
