it was like eating out sand paper
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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