my mouth tastes like poor choices
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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