Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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