there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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