when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
