I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
