And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
