Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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