OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
