I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
