I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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