You're my little dorito
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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