he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
