ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just gift wrapped bread.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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