just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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