it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
