i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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