the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
