At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
and you said cock pushups were impossible
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
