Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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