Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
