I want you more than these girls want KFC
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
