I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
