I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
