I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
