Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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