So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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