What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
did you just send me my own nude
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
