Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
