you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
