so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
