Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
