i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
well you can't waste a boner
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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