So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
