i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you will always have a special place in my vag
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
