I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
