I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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