u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
they're like a gay fantastic four
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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