i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
