the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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