You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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