New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The struggles of a small town man whore
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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