so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
